Monday, August 31, 2015

Im back!!!!

After a long hiatus, I am finally ready to start writing again.

I am personally sick of Woo like the shit BPI and SRF tout.  It has infiltrated much of our society on so many levels.  I have met far to many people who have been too influenced by the BS out there.

As I strengthen my critical thinking skills and have resolved some very large personal issues, I am now finally ready to begin writing again.

I am now working in the field of Behavioral Health and I also am making a decent wage. I am not a therapist, not yet at lest, but I am in a position which allows me to help people who are suffering from an SMI or may need help.  It is a personally rewarding job despite all of its challenges.

I hope that very soon, BPI and SRF will close their doors to the world.  They can no longer hide their BS behind the fa├žade of being churches or religious organizations.

A piece of my history

I just recently found out that I was raised by relatives, not my actual parents.  The truth is still taking some time to sink in.

I am not going to go into great detail over this but it answered a question about my choice of career, namely that of psychology/psychiatry.

And to those who say that psychology or psychiatry are junk and fake science, either back up your opinions with facts or shut your effn mouth.  You are only showing the world how ignorant you are and how uneducated you are about the psychological/psychiatric sciences.

My father, my birth father was Bipolar.  I watched him go into mania several times as a child.  It was a scary and frightening experience.  After I was left in the care of relatives, it was never spoken about and my past remained there until about a year ago when I started doing genealogical work.  It was then that I made some interesting discoveries. 

There has been a burning desire to help those with SMI's (Serious Mental Health Issues).  They do not lead normal lives and the must stay on medication to keep their symptomology under control.  Medications are necessary, they are not an option. Without them they cannot care for themselves.  They will go days without sleep, won't eat, bathe or sometimes even clothe themselves. 

These people are extremely vulnerable.  They often get in trouble with the law, they often have comorbid issues with drug and alcohol abuse.  They also have issues with suicide, some are acutely suicidal.

And here is a fact for the ignorant out there, 1 out of every 3 calls 911 or law enforcement gets are those regarding mental health issues.

I thankfully missed the Bipolar bullet, but it runs very heavily in my family. 

As for my impressions of Lewis, he was clearly Bipolar.  He has all the symptoms and behaviors associated with it. His hatred of psychology and psychiatry also indicate that he had run ins with professionals in the field, quite possibly being hospitalized.  I suspect that he was not on any medications.  Other people who knew Lewis over the years whom I have spoken with never told me that he was on any antipsychotic or mood stabilizing medication.

Lewis was also a pathological liar and confabulator.  He was not the "superman" he tried to make himself out to be.  The fact that he hid much of his involvement with Scientology is also not surprising to me at this time.

Now my father and Lewis were both Bipolar, but Lewis was not my father.  He did not resemble him, their personalities were not the same and their symptomology were not exactly alike.  But I always wondered why something about Lewis was familiar.  Now I know.

They say that knowing is half the battle. Knowledge is indeed the cornerstone.  Now that I know a part of my history, I can finally move forward with my own life and career!

I am proud to be working in the field finally. 

More later.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Havingness or A sense of entitlement?


In order for me to learn and relearn normal human behavior, I had to reject the teachings of the institute.

However, one can never truly forget what they have learned, they can only reframe it into something else.

Many of the themes, ideas and concepts which I was exposed to at the institute were and are jargon filled bullshit. And have stated before, it all originated in Scientology.

In going back through my memories and what I learned, one concept kept eluding me over and over again. The concept of havingness. What truly was havingness? L Ron Hubbard coined the term decades ago and it filtered its way into not only many New Age philosophies, but also the minds and literature of the 21st century. I have heard the concept spouted over and over again by so called Spiritual Teachers and I can truly and honestly say, it never made sense.

Until I began working in the field of behavioral health.

For over a year, I have been working in the field and I have seen quite a bit. I have seen and worked with a lot of people who have a severe mental health illness such as the Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia and those with Axis II personality disorders. I have learned more and come to understand the field in more ways than one. I am glad to finally be working doing something positive in our communities and for those who cannot advocate for themselves.

Over and over again, I kept seeing people with a strong sense of entitlement. They felt like the world owed them something. People owed them money, housing, jobs, love, etc. etc. etc. The list does go on and on. Most of the people with a strong sense of entitlement usually have a severe drug abuse issue in their lives.

I kept seeing this sense of entitlement and it was all so familiar. Especially when I looked back and compared it to what I came from.

Then it struck me full force.

Havingness is nothing more than a sense of entitlement. A deep and resounding sense of entitlement.

I can have a good job sounds a lot like, and has the same emotional charge as "I am entitled to a job." Or add any other thing and it all comes out the same.

It is all about the ego, self-gratification and self-aggrandizement. It is about selfishness. It is all about the "I."

On one level, we need to realize that life is unfair and we are not entitled to anything and no one owes you anything. With that in mind we must come to the realization that we must earn our way in the world. But what we do with our resources is our choice. I am still not entitled to anything, but I have earned my own way.

Havingness and a sense of entitlement have their roots in both jealousy and envy. We see what others have and we covet it. This is a normal reaction on one level, but if we realize that we are experiencing jealousy and or envy we then have a choice, we can either deny the feelings or we can own them. If we choose to own the feeling, it then loses its power over us and we can move forward to earning something of value in our own lives. We don't have to celebrate the other persons successes or even acknowledge them, we can simply move on.

To the Narcissist or someone with strong Narcissistic traits, they will usually deny their envy and jealousy. Indeed these are their weaknesses. They do not want to admit that they have these feelings. They they project outward and onto others their own jealousy and or envy.

I can remember Lewis often talking about how others were jealous of him and his accomplishments. However, when I look back he had no true accomplishments which stood the test of time.

The same can be said of Susan. Indeed Susan has more Narcissistic traits than Lewis. She was wholly self-centered and completely self-absorbed. Knowing Susan and working with her I can say that she fit the bill for someone with NPD. She was and still is grandiose, has a strong sense of entitlement, lacked empathy, showed superficial charm, could not handle any level of criticism, was totally self-absorbed, used people for her own selfish whims and lied. Yes she lied.

Although one can have a strong sense of entitlement, it is not necessarily an indication of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Our society has become more and more self-absorbed and we see it everywhere. But to the unaware, it is a crippling personality trait that does not endear you to anyone.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Through the Body!

Zen Master Thich Nhat Han made a quote that has a great deal of validity and empirical evidence to support its claim. He stated that enlightenment is found through the body. What does this mean and why is he so specific that it is found through the body. As a long time meditator, his words truly do have great meaning, and they can be validated by the sciences as well.

Zazen, or seated meditation, forces one to develop a focus.  The focus is not on "the center of the head" as in BPI meditation, but on the Danten or Hara in the gut.  A completely different focal point.  This focus draws ones attention out of their head and into their gut or viscera.  It forces one to pay close attention to various bodily functions, specifically the breath.  As one draws their attention onto their out breath, relaxation occurs.  The process deep breathing and focusing on the outbreath, activates the autonomic nervous system, the one responsible for recovery, rest, relaxation and digestion.  Conversely the sympathetic nervous system is activated when we are in a stressful situation and we go into "fight or flight" mode.

The relaxation level one gets from deep meditation is greater than that which one can get from deep sleep.  In that deeply relaxed state, part of the brain literally starts to shut off.  The part responsible for the concepts of self and identity. Yes those areas of the brain have been mapped!  Magnetic Resonance Imaging have given us the capacity to view the brain while it is processing information.  MRI scans and other brain mapping techniques show us that the brain does indeed "shut off" during deep meditation.

Classical meditation talks about the moment of loosing ones self.  If the brain areas responsible for our sense of self has been "quieted" this would make sense.  The state one goes into when they are in this "quietude" is peaceful, tranquil, calm and serene.  However, this state of "mind" cannot be achieved through any other means than through breathing meditation.  It most certainly cannot be done through BPI or trance style meditations.  Those involve changes in the alteration of consciousness, which are controlled by the brain stem.

It is exceedingly clear that it is through the body that we do indeed find enlightenment.  It is not through the self absorption techniques taught in mind altering meditations.

It should also be noted that what is not seen in classical meditation brain studies. There is no evidence of alterations to brain stem functioning.  None at all, as compared to that of the studies of the brain while one is in an altered state of consciousness.

Choose your meditation wisely!

some say this blog filled with junk science, but you don't know the sciences at all and I can now say that I have studied the science and have a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology which heavily utilizes the s.  Well I say this back up your claims that the BPI stuff actually works otherwise shut your mouth for you are just spewing garbage and are showing the world you really don't know anything at all. 

The burden of proof lies with the claimant, not anyone else!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The eye has it (personal)

For nearly a year my eyes have been recovering and changing from having cataract surgery. Additionally, the cataract surgery was a trigger for bringing back dissociated memories of my birth parents.  Other things have happened including a recent visit to a retina specialist who prescribed for me Prednisone to deal with a an atrophying optic nerve in my right eye.  After starting the Prednisone just one day ago, my vision began returning and my eyestrain headaches have been diminishing.  Now I am also ready to start writing again.

I realized how much I enjoy writing.  After leaving both school and taking a forced break due to my eye problems, I discovered something about myself I never knew.  I discovered or perhaps rediscovered that I truly enjoy writing.   I also enjoy research and gathering knowledge in addition to sharing said knowledge with others.  Although I do not have the desire to have a writing career, it is something which will be a large part of my future.

In reviewing my blog and other writings for both school and personal, I found something there.  I found out how powerful the written word can truly be.  My blog has probably discouraged many people from either continuing classes at the institute or from starting them in the first place.  No small accomplishment in and of itself.  I know that I am hated and despised (well not completely hated or despised) by many New Age followers and those who still practice and work with the techniques that come from places like the institute. They have posted quite vitriolic and ignorant things here and on my Youtube videos.  I have to say that I have learned much from their behavior and their responses, I have also developed a good strong thick skin as well.

I now wonder which direction this blog will take.  Its not ready to come down, that will only occur on the day the institute closes its doors permanently.  New ideas are coming and new insights are also coming.  Also I now find I am in a new informational gathering stage, so I suspect that many of my future posts and YouTube videos will have a different and more professional tact. 

Credibility is important, especially when you present an idea to the world.  Can it be backed up by facts or will you be laughed at and ridiculed for presenting ideas which carry no substance?  Are you thinking or are you feeling and going off of feelings?  Always remember this

Feelings are based on perceptions and perceptions can often be (or most of the time) be wrong.

What I perceived originally at the institute was not real.  The experiences I had were not evidence of spirit, but of an altered state of consciousness, albeit an unnatural one. I did learn from them eventually but it took time and truly framing the experiences for what they were and not what I thought they were.

Always question what you are perceiving, if you do not you may fall prey to those who are not very scrupulous.
I also realize that I am not intimidated by people like this anymore.  I have found my voice and I will continue to speak out against the atrocities of cultic organizations for a  long time to come.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Traits of the false spiritual teacher

As I journey back into the world of Eastern philosophies, practices and religions I have come across some very stark and highly relevant examples of Spiritual Narcissism.  These so called teachers are men and women who are usually highly charismatic, quite intelligent and successful on one level or another in their careers.  They have twisted the teachings to suit their needs and go about to achieve their own goals.  They are master manipulators on so many levels. 

The degree of Narcissistic or Sociopathic behavior they exhibit may or may not preclude an assessment of the said Narcissistic Personality disorder.  Not all of these men and women would be classified with a personality disorder, indeed most will probably not exhibit this level of dysfunction.  However, there are two things which one must consider when dealing with these men and women.

The first is a lack of morals and ethics.  They often speak about that the only thing which is important is self and that morals and ethics are subjective and not necessarily relevant. The term Moral or Ethical Disengagement is probably used to describe this condition.  It is a term described as

A process by which the processes that normally inhibit unethical behavior are deactivated by moral self-regulatory mechanisms. Such mechanisms comprise: (1) situational factors, and (2) individual attributes. (Detert, Klebe Trevino & Sweitzer 2008).

In most of these situations, it is clear that it is an individual attribute.  When these men and women are compared to others of similar "station" they all exhibit the same degree of Ethical/Moral disengagement.  Thus it is best described as a trait that is developed.  Simply put, those who have disengaged ethically usually feel that the rules do not necessarily apply to them.

Cameron Shayne, founder of Budokon has written an article wherein he describes how he has used his position as a yoga and martial arts instructor to engage in sexual relationships with his students.  The article is a rationalization of his behavior and it is a prime example of ethical and moral disengagement. 

After reading the article and watching some of Cameron's videos both through Netflix and online, it became clear to me that it is about him not about his work.  I consider him to be a sexual predator using the mask of a yoga/martial arts teacher to obtain his personal and ulterior motives.  If one pays close attention to him it becomes clear that his sensuality and sexuality are overboard.  He is almost always seen shirtless and the way he carries his body is quite provocative.

You will also notice extreme visceral reactions in yourself if you pay close attention to Cameron and his movements. This is his charisma and superficial charm which along with his sexuality he is using to engage people with.  At first it seems harmless it feels calming, but this is all a game.  A game of a snake hypnotizing a mouse to quickly make a meal of it.  Once your guard is down, the snake bites.  Many a woman has fallen prey to teachers such as Cameron, only to later on realize that they were only after them for one thing, SEX!

The other thing which is present in these individuals is a complete inability to handle criticism.  This hypersensitivity to criticism is also a Narcissistic trait.  They can dish it out like a pro, but when it comes time for them to receive any relevant criticism, they are highly resistant to being receptive. Preliminary studies indicate that those with “Covert” Narcissism are indeed highly sensitive to criticisms.  (Atlas, Them 2008)

I can personally attest that most Narcissistic and false spiritual teachers can get quite hostile and aggressive when confronted with any level of criticism. Werner Erhard, L Ron Hubbard, William H Duby and Lewis S Bostwick all showed a high degree of this sensitivity to criticism.  Werner Erhard and L Ron Hubbard took legal action against their critics and in the case of Scientology, they went so far as to actually do illegal things against them as well to keep their critics quiet and to instill fear in them.  These are two rare examples, but they are highly relevant to my point. 

William H Duby and Lewis S Bostwick also used bullying tactics, but without the material means to go after their “attackers” they usually just resorted to more Ad Hominem attacks of character.  I often heard teachers and even Lewis speak of James Randi in negative tones when I was in the institute. Most of the time they just complained and projected all sorts of imaginary things onto their critics. 

In addition to seeing the bad, I am also seeing the good as well. I am finding strong and well “grounded” teachers who speak of morals and ethics.  They speak of the teachings, such as the Dharma or the Tao.  They focus on the practices, not the outcomes. They handle criticisms well and they are also very morally and ethically engaged.  I have also witnessed that when they realize that they have crossed a moral and or ethical boundary, they take corrective action and don’t usually repeat the behavior.

It’s getting easier to discern the truth now from the falsehoods of Narcissistic Spirituality.

Gordon D. Atlas,   Melissa A. Them (2008) Narcissism and Sensitivity to Criticism: A Preliminary Investigation, Current Psychology, March 2008, Volume 27, Issue 1, pp 62-76

James Detert, Linda Klebe Trevino & Vicki Sweitzer,  (2008) Moral Disengagement in Ethical Decision Making: A Study of Antecedents and Outcomes Journal of Applied Psychology, 2008, Vol. 93, No. 2, 374–391.

Self or Ego

More often than not, I have heard the term self referred to when people are discussing so called "spiritual" things.  But what is the self?  How is it defined? 

Many so called spiritual individuals consider "self' to be the spirit or soul.  From their self absorb perspective, this would make sense.  They go within and find the "self."  However, this definition is highly lacking and is more amorphous than concrete. 

When examined from a critical perspective, self is nothing more than EGO!  That is correct, these individuals who are selling us a bill of goods and labeling them spiritual are in fact selling us egotism.  This has been commented on by many true spiritual teachers and lay people alike. 

When  the writings and teachings of these men and women are objectively examined,  there is a deep and resounding sense of self absorption which drags one into a deep state of Narcissism.  A place where the only thing is "self" and its primary importance.

Now it is very clear, self is not about some "spiritual" thing, it is about ones own ego in the realms of Narcissistic spirituality.