In order for me to learn and relearn normal human behavior, I had to reject the teachings of the institute.
However, one can never truly forget what they have learned, they can only reframe it into something else.
Many of the themes, ideas and concepts which I was exposed to at the institute were and are jargon filled bullshit. And have stated before, it all originated in Scientology.
In going back through my memories and what I learned, one concept kept eluding me over and over again. The concept of havingness. What truly was havingness? L Ron Hubbard coined the term decades ago and it filtered its way into not only many New Age philosophies, but also the minds and literature of the 21st century. I have heard the concept spouted over and over again by so called Spiritual Teachers and I can truly and honestly say, it never made sense.
Until I began working in the field of behavioral health.
For over a year, I have been working in the field and I have seen quite a bit. I have seen and worked with a lot of people who have a severe mental health illness such as the Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia and those with Axis II personality disorders. I have learned more and come to understand the field in more ways than one. I am glad to finally be working doing something positive in our communities and for those who cannot advocate for themselves.
Over and over again, I kept seeing people with a strong sense of entitlement. They felt like the world owed them something. People owed them money, housing, jobs, love, etc. etc. etc. The list does go on and on. Most of the people with a strong sense of entitlement usually have a severe drug abuse issue in their lives.
I kept seeing this sense of entitlement and it was all so familiar. Especially when I looked back and compared it to what I came from.
Then it struck me full force.
Havingness is nothing more than a sense of entitlement. A deep and resounding sense of entitlement.
I can have a good job sounds a lot like, and has the same emotional charge as "I am entitled to a job." Or add any other thing and it all comes out the same.
It is all about the ego, self-gratification and self-aggrandizement. It is about selfishness. It is all about the "I."
On one level, we need to realize that life is unfair and we are not entitled to anything and no one owes you anything. With that in mind we must come to the realization that we must earn our way in the world. But what we do with our resources is our choice. I am still not entitled to anything, but I have earned my own way.
Havingness and a sense of entitlement have their roots in both jealousy and envy. We see what others have and we covet it. This is a normal reaction on one level, but if we realize that we are experiencing jealousy and or envy we then have a choice, we can either deny the feelings or we can own them. If we choose to own the feeling, it then loses its power over us and we can move forward to earning something of value in our own lives. We don't have to celebrate the other persons successes or even acknowledge them, we can simply move on.
To the Narcissist or someone with strong Narcissistic traits, they will usually deny their envy and jealousy. Indeed these are their weaknesses. They do not want to admit that they have these feelings. They they project outward and onto others their own jealousy and or envy.
I can remember Lewis often talking about how others were jealous of him and his accomplishments. However, when I look back he had no true accomplishments which stood the test of time.
The same can be said of Susan. Indeed Susan has more Narcissistic traits than Lewis. She was wholly self-centered and completely self-absorbed. Knowing Susan and working with her I can say that she fit the bill for someone with NPD. She was and still is grandiose, has a strong sense of entitlement, lacked empathy, showed superficial charm, could not handle any level of criticism, was totally self-absorbed, used people for her own selfish whims and lied. Yes she lied.
Although one can have a strong sense of entitlement, it is not necessarily an indication of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Our society has become more and more self-absorbed and we see it everywhere. But to the unaware, it is a crippling personality trait that does not endear you to anyone.